You always have a choice


Without fail, when something new and interesting shows up in my life, it keeps showing up again and again in different conversations and different contexts as though to reinforce its message for me. This happened to me over the past couple of weeks - a theme weaved itself through my days and many of my interactions and that message is: choice.   

There are 3 key ways choice has shown up for me recently: 

How I spend my time: There have been circumstances in my life recently that have made me really appreciate my precious time on this Earth. I am acutely aware that I am (as we all are) on borrowed time and it can be over without warning. This awareness is such a blessing for me in so many ways - one of which is that it has made me really intentional about how I spend my time. I’ve referenced this in previous posts - given that every day is a gift and a blessing, why not just enjoy it? Do the things you want to do. Spend your finite time in ways that inspire you, that fuel your soul and that bring you joy. Why would you choose to spend your precious days doing anything else? You always have the choice of how you spend your time.

What gets my attention: Oh THIS is a fun one. I had so many deep conversations about this this week. Have you ever heard whatever you resist persists? It is so deeply ingrained in us to focus on the negative. This stems from basic biology - our fight or flight response to perceived threats. 100 things go really well and 1 thing doesn’t in our day - what do we do? We fixate on that one negative situation to try to eliminate the threat. 

However, we are becoming more aware that our amygdala (fight or flight part of our brain) is on overdrive and most of the “negative” situations throughout our day don’t actually put our lives at risk. There are ways to mitigate these thought patterns (hence the rising popularity of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and what I have found to be most effective for me is simply practicing gratitude. I know it sounds simple but it really has changed my whole outlook on life. Instead of focusing my attention on that one negative thing, I choose to focus on the things that I have to be grateful for that day. 

I write in a gratitude journal every day. I also practice this with my kids - on our drive home from school I ask them what the 3 best parts of their day were. The responses are sometimes hilarious (I had milk! I didn’t have to clean up!) but this gets both me and my kids to reflect on all the things we have to be grateful for. I actively choose what gets my attention.

How to respond: I had a really inspiring conversation with a stranger today (let’s call him “Stranger”) and Stranger and I were talking about how when people are struggling with their mental health they often feel stuck. Stuck, powerless, unable to change their circumstances, trapped. This is so common. I’ve certainly felt like that at different times in my life and I know many people who have shared those same feelings with me. And what Stranger and I spoke about was how we always have a choice. It’s losing sight of that that can lead to or add to feelings of depression or anxiety. 

A great example of this is how we can choose how we respond to a situation. We are often just reacting to people and situations throughout our day. But if we stop for a minute, take some deep breaths and then we can make the choice to respond rather than react. Maybe that response is removing yourself from the situation. Maybe that response is to speak up for yourself and share your opinion. Whatever it is, you get to choose. 

It is so empowering to remember that we always have a choice - how we spend our time, what we focus our attention on, how we respond and ultimately choose the life we want.

“Life is a matter of choices and every choice you make makes you.” - John C. Maxwell 

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